Seven Castles

Saying "No"

                                      

July 3, 2008

 

"No" is such a simple word with only two letters. Yet saying "No" out loud is harder for most people than saying, "I will be glad to..." or "When do you need me to..."

 

Many of us grow up to be people pleasers. The word of "No" drops out of our vocabulary and we substitute lots of ways to be agreeable and keep the other person happy. Saying "No" can be awkward, guilt inducing, nerve racking, embarrassing, even risky to friendship and career. Saying "No" to the authority figures is not expected. And underneath it all we believe that saying "No" can cost us a lot in our adult life.

 

It is a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments - you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time. But requests for your time are coming in all the time - through phone, email, instant messaging or in person. To stay productive and minimize stress, you have to learn the gentle art of saying "No" - an art that many people have problems with.

 

It can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you are saying "No" to, and that is not usually a fun task. If you hope to work with that person in the future, you will want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying "No" in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

 

The tips for the gentle art of saying "No" include: value your time; know your priorities; practice saying "No"; do not apologizing; stop being nice; say "No" to your boss; pre-empting; and get back to you.

 

If you say "Yes" when you want to say "No", you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you energy and discomfort and is not necessary if you just say "No" when you need to.

 

Sometimes, saying "No" is simply unavoidable. When you have to say "Yes", tell them you can agree to their request this time, but ask how the two of you might plan better for the next time; tell them "Yes", but remind them they owe you one; tell them "Yes", but take control by saying you will come back to them with a timetable; and put a tough condition on your agreement.

 

Sometimes you need to say "No" when someone makes a suggestion, offers something or asks you to do something for them. Of course, saying just "No" can be rather rude. Here are some of the most common ways to say "No" nicely - or at least not rudely.

I'm afraid I can't...

I don't particularly like...

I'd (really) rather not...

It's not my idea of...

I'm not (really) fond of...

Thank you (thank you for asking, thank you very much, etc.), but I have to...

 

Saying "No" will not be easy if you are used to saying "Yes" all the time. But learning to say "No" is an important part of simplifying your way to a better, less stressful life. There are more sentences you can take while you try to say "No":

I am in the middle of several projects

I am not comfortable with that

I am not taking on any new responsibilities

I am not the most qualified person for the job

I do not enjoy that kind of work

I do not have any more room in my calendar

I hate to split my attention among projects

I have another commitment

I have no experience with that

I know you will do a wonderful job yourself

I need to focus more on my personal life

I need to focus on my career right now

I need to leave some free time for myself

I would rather decline than do a mediocre job

I would rather help out with another task

Let me hook you up with someone who can do it

Not right now, but I can do it later

Some things have come up that need my attention

This really is not my strong suit

 

Without that skill, you will be overloaded with requests and assignments, and continuously overworked and missing deadlines, the quality of your work will slip and you will take on assignments that you do not enjoy and that do not pay enough for the time you spend on them.

 

By saying "No", although you might feel that others will feel offended or hurt, you are also sending a strong message that you value your time, that you have priorities, and that you also respect the person to whom you are saying "No", as you do not want to commit to something and then do a lousy job or not do it at all.

【作者: zhangliping】【访问统计:】【2008年07月3日 星期四 05:25】【注册】【打印】